work = yuck

So - I'm feeling like I don't like my job still. It's a good job with room to grow blah blah. But the place I would move up to is a Loan Officer position - not interested! I'm always stressed out at work because if isn't one crisis I'm dealing with than it's a last minute closing that gets added to the calendar. It's hard being the only processor (we have a girl in training, but it's like a 6-9 month learning curve, she's into her 2 month!). The pressure is enormous because if I make a mistake it could potentially ruin the entire loan! HONESTLY! The borrower can withdraw their loan if they choose at anytime. I think our department has basic organization, but overall we don't have a sold foundation to work from and to add more "organization ideas" to the mix does NOT help me. I'm not a leader, it's not in me to be a leader so I can't stand up and just make the "organization ideas" flow together. Sometimes I just don't know what my boss and others expect from me. I don't feel like I can handle the stress and the pressure anymore. I should probably talk to my boss about my unhappiness with my job, but I don't really have my thoughts straight. I don't want to just walk into her office and just poop out a bunch of stuff that doesn't make sense. And I don't want it to sound like I'm just being a baby. That's the other thing. Most decent paying jobs are moderate to high stress. What the hell would I do with myself if I didn't work at MMB or for that matter in a moderate to high stress job? I have a 4 year degree in paralegal studies - which would be a HIGH STRESS JOB - I don't want to do something that requires no education. I just don't know! Maybe from all these holidays and vacation time I'm just getting out of the work groove. We'll see where the end of January takes me. There is also the possibility of staying with MMB, but moving to a new department. I just don't know what other kinds of openings I would be interested in. Maybe all jobs will be like this, after about a year and half to two years I just get sick of it and want to get done. MMB is my first full time job and have been there since June 2005. Before, I was a student and just worked part time. I considered going back to school because I loved it so much, but I have nothing to go back for. I'd just be making something up for the sake of staying out of work ( and live off of student loan money). =) I also think I couldn't possibly leave my position now because the department would truly be in so much trouble. Nobody knows how to close a loan. My boss could possibly pull it off, but she doesn't have the time and she definitely doesn't have the time to train the new girl!!!
My dream is to just scrap forever. I love scrapbooking! Since I got my new camera for Christmas I just think about scrapping all the time! Like I could make a living on scrapbooking - my "skills" are not that developed and I don't know enough people to even begin trying to get "the word" out about scrapping for others. I guess it's a dream! =o) I just enjoy the whole process of picking out the stuff, getting paper, sorting through photos and coming up with page layouts. I looked a little bit into Creative Memories, but it doesn't appear to be much of a money maker - like to the point of not even bringing home $10,000 a year unless you have people underneath you. And I'd probably just beg Colleen and Nicole to have yet another party because they're the only scrapper's I know! Am I being ridiculous? Someone just tell me I'm being ridiculous. Alright, I'm done thinking about it for now - I need a tootsie roll .... or 5!